Birthday weekend is going well so far.
Over the years, some of the most meaningful things for my birthday have been when God’s given me something, just for me, just between Him and me. But it’s taken years to shift my perspective and arrive at this place.
Honestly, I think the reality is that all too often I place such a high hope on a birthday. If I’m being vulnerable, it’s the one day I don’t want to HAVE to help other people. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE helping people. It’s who God designed me to be, the way He designed my heart to beat, and I find both satisfaction and joy in that. But the other thing I know He designed my heart to long for, is the feeling of being loved. Unfortunately, I sometimes equate helping people, being needed with also being loved and valued. If you know anything about the Enneagram, you might know this is actually a struggle for those of us who are Type Twos. We tend towards the idea that we have to help others to be valued, loved, needed.
However, one speaker and author I appreciate, when talking about community, challenges us with the idea, “We are both the needed and needy.” I am needy. I hate that… but it’s true. I want to be the person who doesn’t need anything from anyone, who can just give and not need to receive. But that’s also not who God designed me to be. I am not the Savior. That’s not my role.
This is also where I see the Gospel gets to transform my heart and perspective. Jesus walked on this earth, and even while in human form He was both needy and needed. He needed rest, he needed community, he needed food, he needed time with the Father. I need rest, community, food, and desperately needed time with the Father.
So, while I do try to pursue that throughout the rest of the year, my birthday is also often a weekend I try to intentionally pause, rest, seek the Father, to spend intimate time with Him. Yesterday, I got some time to sit in on my balcony, reading, writing, praying. Then I got time with someone I love. Someone who took the time to hear what I had to say, to invest, and care for me in my need. And you know what? I needed it. There are things I can do for myself, but other things I need someone else for.
Today, I get more time reading, writing, journaling and praying, and later more time with still more people I love. It fills my heart, it reminds me I’m not alone and that I was created for community both with the Father and those he’s placed in my life. I need them.
And you want to know a secret? Something I was just journaling about yesterday, just crying out to the Father about, only hours later He answered. While I know this doesn’t always happen that quickly, right now, it’s a reminder he’s with me. He hears me. He’s walking alongside me in this season and ever so very present and involved in the story of my life that he’s knitting carefully together.
Sweet brother or sister, I pray today that you find comfort in the presence of both your Heavenly Father, and also the joy of fellowship and community with your loved ones.